Sunday, June 1, 2014

Because every prayer counts..


Alohaaa.. It's me again, after changing my blog into private mode, I am now back!

I just can't stand holding 'this' in alone.
It's not that I dont hv anyone to talk to, but I prefer posting it to anonymous or anyone who'll not be seeing me cry talking bout this.

Something happened, exactly a month ago, 1/5/14 about at the same time as now, 9.54pm and it broke my heart :'(
Very it gave a big humongous hole in me :"( VERY BIG AND IT HURTS
It's like my whole dream crashed, boomed and just name anything exploding :'(
My whole plans on how I wish to spend my life...Allahuakbar..I just cant continue my life :'(

Yes I was in pain, SO MUCH IN PAIN, even crying make it worst..
I cant share it to anyone, no one could understand and telling others would only makes them question me lots and lots of questions that even my ownself cant answer :"(

I felt like shouting, crying my whole heart out, shutting myself in my room, sleeping whenever I can, hoping not to wake up anymore :'(
YES, i lost my hope to stay alive :'(
I felt like killing myself n DIE!
Gone from this world, from everyone..

But, but, but..Alhamdulillah, I hv Allah :'(
He made me strong, He gave me directions, whenever I read Quran, almost all verses are meant for me :'(
Whenever I go facebook-ing, every posts seems comforting me,
When I go twitter-ing, all tweets touched my small heart
Allahurabbi, He's the sweetest love of all :'(

And today, it marks one month after that incident :'(
Physically Im ok, but internally Im still weak, still vulnerable and still lost
But, I've never stop gathering strength and faith
Despite they're fragile and may broke anytime, Im still gathering them from every piece of me
Dont worry, I know Im being tested, and trust me I never blame Allah
In fact, this thing makes me closer to Allah MasyaAllah

Reason Im posting this?
As told above, just to let things out evendo I know, people cant get my point
Also, to ask for prayers from everyone, to pray for my strength to endure this :'(
Seriously I need prayers from everyone :'(
Im just a weak human that may broke anytime, so please pray for me.. :'(

Pray that Allah will give me the best answer and solutions Aminn
and may my heart stay strong despite what's the outcome later Aminn
Pray that I'll continue my life as usual, as how strong I used to be Aminn
And pray that Allah will forgive me for everytime I lose hope and feel like dying Aminn

With that, I hope no one will ask wad actually happened
Instead, continue supporting me in any ways
Thank you, thank you jazakumullah for reading, understanding and not judging
Lastly, thank you for praying for me..
May Allah bless Aminn
May Allah ease Aminn