Less than three

To fall in love is one thing.
To be in love is another thing.

You may fall for anyone around you, anyone who catches your eyes, anyone who's humorous and always make you laugh, anyone who looks stunning, anyone who's always there for you whenever you're sad or in need. It can be anyone with any reason.

But to be in love is not merely a feeling. It's a decision. Of all people whom you fall in love with, you decided to be in love with that one specific person. Only that one person. And what makes it weirder, you have no reason. No reason why did you choose that person. You realised that there are far better, fascinating, cooler, awesome, kind people you name it, compared to this person. But no matter how much you ask yourself and in whatever angle you're seeing that person as, that person just won your heart.

When you fall in love, things become sweet. Phone calls, morning wishes and midnight goodbyes, you anticipate the day to meet that person. You don't really have to do anything, you just embrace the feeling and the sweetness that overwhelm it. The thing is, over time..those sweetness may fade. Phone calls may annoys, small mistakes bring up huge fights, you may stop taking care and it no longer excite you to be with that person. This is the cycle in EVERY relationships, you really can't avoid it. Worst, you feel like to start new with other people. This is when the relationship fails and breaks.

The key of a great relationship is not finding the right person, it is learning how to love the person that you found. You may love to be embraced verbally, but it doesn't mean the other half appreciate it the same way too. However, you know you are in love when you accepted the differences and preferences and use it to show your loves. You learn how to make the other person happy, you enjoy their cup of tea. You participate their favor with pleasure. You look for ways and more reasons to stay in love with that person, to sustain the feelings that linked your hearts together. There'll be ups and downs, but you put your best efforts days and nights, to make the relationship works. Day by day, you'll see more imperfections and flaws in that person, but that doesn't stop you. All you ever want is, to always be with that person.

Now listen here. If you found the person who makes you work so hard for the relationship, never let them go. Never take them for granted. Trust me, no one else could love you the way the person have been loving you, no want would ever try hard as much as that person have been fighting to always stay with you. And to have someone who loves you unconditionally, it's a bless and the best gift MasyaAllah. Yes there are better people around you, so do they. But of all people, they choose you. They decided to be in love with you. See, love is a decision.

People will come and go into your life.
But it is up to you to decide who you let to walk away, who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go :)

Awak, sabar tau.. *^^*

Salam ;)

Hurted to never hurt

Olla!

It has been a while right. Biasalaa tu, people would only look for their blog just when they have no other way to express their inner thought. Alaaa sama la macam kawan-kawan yang cari kawan-kawan bila tengah susah je kan? Eh?! No, no..I'm not going to talk about others in this post haha..

Basically, I started my 3rd year of Medicine last week, 4/10/16 and after a week of short and not so sweet orientation, I started my class or more precise, my clinical year last Monday Alhamdulillah! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I was sooooo excited! MasyaAllah after all those struggles since A-Level, then foundation, then my 1st and 2nd year in Medicine, at last I'm here in my 3rd year. No more studying with cadaver, no more dead specimens, no more inactivated microbes to be viewed under the microscope, now I'm dealing with alive humans, REAL PATIENTS, in a real hospital! I'm excited  and thrilled at the same time.

Clinical years are totally different with pre-clinical years, and I have to change my daily routine, my study timetable. I prepared mentally and physically for a rumoured-busy hectic chaos and tiring life in the hospital. So my first day in Hospital Klang, I was divided into smaller group of 2-3 students by my lecturer, to clerk a patient (which he just pointed at whoever he wish) without any guidance or reference. Hahahaha gilerrrrr tak gelabah!! 1st time kot, nak approach patient and tak pernah2 belajar buat history taking (ok, theoretically ada laa dlm klas briefly what should we ask). Terkial-kial tanya patient soalan! Hahaha but then my lecturer came back and explained everything after letting us doing it ourselves first. So Alhamdulillah I passed my 1st day well after more clerking and meeting more patients. But MasyaAllah I was totally worn out that day, hahaha..'I passed out' after Isyak till 12midnight before I woke up for some pre-read for tomorrow's topics. Haaaaa..amacam? hahaha..acahhh sgt baru 1st day *lempang diri sendiri*

Ok 2nd day is quite challenging for me, because I'm still clueless of how clinical years actually work. And truth to be told, I didn't really prepare emotionally :( I forgot that I will have to deal with nurses and doctors or staffs who's busy with their works and might think my presence is just a nuisance or who'll look at me merely as a noob student haishh.. So those thing did affect me emotionally..sedeyhhh bolehhhh bila kita tanya soalan orang jawab mcm nak tak nak, or worst buat kita mcm pokok hiasan semata2. They saw us but they ask or do nothing about it, Ye laa, pokok hiasan semata-mata haha.. Yes I do realised this thing way long before but I didn't expect people can be that mean. hahaha..ok It's me myself yg expect lebih so yeayhh I went home quite not feeling satisfied, still tired but worst, I still couldn't find my pace to study. I read my books but nothing seems to stick into my brain huhu T_T

Today, my third day, I'm not having the same spirit that i hv on my 1st day. I was quite disappointed with myself as others hv already found their way to study for clinical but I'm still adapting and lost. Yes I was totally lost and today I asked myself for so many times "Is this what I wanna do for the rest of my life?", I feel tired that I don't even feel like entering the ward and clerk the patients. I feel numb, I don't even feel anything. Terok kan? Baru lg kot 😔 So yes, i told myself maybe I'm just lost and tired, n maybe hormone changes affect me too (since I'm currently in that time of the month), I shouldn't even think about giving up now. Thus I had a short walk alone around the hospital, talking to my own heart and to Allah. And wallahi, I really want to be a doctor! A good one, a kind yet influencing doctor who won't be taking people for granted InsyaAllah. I REALLY DO!

Allah is the sweetest love of all SubhanAllah 😭 I've been looking forward to observe a labour since the first day, I went to labour room everyday but whenever I do there's no labour or the mother had just given birth right before I enter, but my friends managed to observe not one but lots of labour and other procedures! Mestilaa jeles kan *nampak sangat niat tak betol nak jeles buat apa! lempang balik diri sendiri* Tapi, tapi tapi Alhamdulillah today, Allah pujuk hati yang semakin lemah ni dengan cara yang paling sweet, He finally gave me the chance to observe one! 😭 The mother was small as me myself. Thing was chaos and hectic, and after a few attempt, from that small mother a baby is out crying his heart out SubhanAllah!

What a beautiful thing MasyaAllah 😭😭😭 I almost cry, i feel like calling my mum at that second. But I didnt haha..i just kept things inside. And Alhamdulillah, I found my strength again, I found my motivation. I want to do this again, and InsyaAllah for the rest of my life. I know things will be hard, will always be hard but if I can accept things well, Allah won't disappoints me right? He will surely show me the way InsyaAllah. If not today, maybe tomorrow. And all i hv to do is to believe in Him. He's always there. He never leave me alone 😭 So here I am, hoping to finish my MBBS well. I will get tired again one day I know, but I promise u, I wont think about giving up again InsyaAllah. Do pray for me can you? I am doing this InsyaAllah, I will finish this InsyaAllah 😊

Allah never say it is going to be easy, He said "With hardships, there's ease"
:')

And if ever I forget, will you remind me back of how I gain my strength?
Tabarakallah! May His blessing showered upon us Aminn :)

Mum knows everything

I shared everything with my mum, from what I am eating today, to what makes me sad or what colour is my tudung, all my crushes (wow plural kot XD) , everything. I even tell her how much I want to get married, to what type of guy I am looking for, my dream house, and what I planned for my honeymoon InsyaAllah hahaha.. but most of the time, things are spoken only as a joke, just for us to laugh and build our imagination together haha..

But today, I had the most serious 'lecture' from her. Usually we talked like a friend, but today..it was so different. She made me realised things that I didn't see, she made me ponder back everything that I've done, and she made me think about life and marriage in farrrrrrr moreeee serious way. And most importantly, she made me realised that I am supposed to view life seriously. I am an adult huhu.. Allahuakbar, she almost made me cry :'(

To love you have to trust. I told her, I actually has forgotten how it is to love somebody, I forgot how should we show it, how does it feels like to be in love and how afraid I am to start loving someone again. I didn't plan to tell her but things just got spilled out of my mouth before I can shut it up. And she comforted me in the way that I've never imagine SubhanAllah.. Mum really knows everything, right? ;')

I really wonder, is it the time already? Should I? Will I be fine?
Allahurabbi, guide me all the way Aminn

Just a little bit more of that..and this..and you too

I'm a person who loves to cook! *love to cook je, xbmaksud rajin masak or hebat masak XD*

I watched rancangan memasak from all over the world, senang ckp Asian Food Channel tu mmg favourite la haha.. There's one thing I like bout cooking. You're adding all different kind of ingredients, from the saltiest salt to the sweetest sugar, some spicy spices then some sour lemon skin, then creamy milk and some rosemary, but wallaaaaa u made a food, edible one of course haha. Everything just blended in and balanced each other to form such a wonderful food. It's amazing SubhanAllah! ^_^

And it happens that we can actually view ourselves as one of the ingredients. Let say I am a sugar. I am sweet. everyone need sugar. But too much of sugar wouldn't taste that great. I can also cause harm if taken excessively, right? Then maybe I'll need some salts. And some chicken. And some sauce, both chilli and tomato sause. Not to forget some onion and garlic. Some spices too.. And with everyone, I may come up with ayam masak merah! weeeeeeeeeeeee haha..

See? Everyone around us have their own purpose and reasons. We need each other to do something big or to be better. Maybe being you alone seems enough, but with others, we can do more! So appreciate everyone around you! Take some time to talk with them, to understand them more, lend some hands and give more smiles. You won't lose anything InsyaAllah, trust me :) You will just get better...and lovelier ^.^

Dear future husband, I dont mind other thing but a nice kitchen is a must for me for our own house later InsyaAllah haha.. Ye la, nak isi perut abang jugak nanti kan? kihkihkih

Abnormally normal

"Sihat?"

Hahaha.. Alhamdulilah sihat, bahagia mcm biasa, happy sentiasa Alhamdulillah. Medically heart rate normal, blood pressure normal. But lately ntah haha..normal ke for a person sengih sorang2 time cuci pinggan, time mandi, time drive? Normal ke klau kta tringat-ingat apa yang tertulis dlm wassep ke, twitter ke, mana2 la pastu sengih sorg lagi? Huhu..risau sbnanya, seorang zalikha ni dah kenapa, sebelum ni tak macam ni pun..rasa mcm tak pernah experience otak tak brapa nak normal mcm ni >.<" Eh tak, I'M NOT IN LOVE ngn sapa2 pun..so bukan angau cintan cintun erh. Cuma rasa mcm nak senyum je sentiasa hahaha.. Moga baik2 je la seorang Zalikha ni, jangan orang label gila sudahhh

Zalikha, jaga hati tau!

D

Dear one specific friend,

It has been 9 years..

For a flawed me to have a friend like you, Alhamdulillah it has been a bless :) We may not talk that much, we may not see each other anymore, we may not even contact each other that frequent, but only Allah knows how much I treasure the friendship that we had. And I really hope I can do more for you..but distance drifted us apart, new friends coming in, more responsibilities on our shoulders. And I accepted the fact that we have limits and boundaries to be taken care of. Now we're both grown ups. So, dear you..despite we are no longer as close as how we used to, I never forget you in my prayers, I never forget the days when we had each other, I never forget when crying was my only solution and you were there without hesitation, I never forget when it was you who trusted me and supported me that I can be a great leader, I never forget the smiles you carved on your face just to make me happy and the laughter we shared together. We hit rock bottom when we had other people and commitments, we stopped talking, we lost trust with each other but SubhanAllah, Allah brought us back together because I know I wouldn't find anyone else just like you.

Happy 23rd birthday, may Allah bless you with abundance of love and kindness.
Thank you for making me the best friend of yours, thank you for everything.

Decision

Few weeks ago, I made a very serious decision. It took me quite some time to be sure of what I am dealing with. I was and I am scared. I really hope not to repeat the same mistake. I really hope this could be the one. I really hope this could be the answer to my doubts. I really hope this will end my waiting InsyaAllah. May Allah show me the way, may Allah enlighten my path Aminn..

Dia

Change

Tahun baru, azam baru..

"Azam tahun lepas pun tak settle lagi.." *sengih busuk tak gosok gigi*

Aloha! Alhamdulillah 2016 is finally here. With all tragedy happened in 2015, all those challenges and trials we're faced with, Alhamdulillah we managed to be here, breathing normally with limbs all still intact and still able to think and act rationally. Though some of us are tested with some difficulties here and there, we can't deny how much Allah blessed us that we're still alive, peacefully today SubhanAllah.

2015 has been nice to me, in fact I found the strongest me in 2015. I cried, I whined and wailed my heart out, I lost myself, I was depressed , I always feel lonely, I got sick, I got sick of myself for always getting sick, I got tired with my study, I got tired remembering things for the sake of exam, I doubted myself, I did feel wrong and I did feel like giving up. Yes I did!

Sometimes, even the strongest has a fear of being the strongest. Why? Because people eventually stop taking care of them, because people stop asking if they are okay, people stop asking if they need anything, and people start to forget that they are also human, a weak mankind!

There was this time when I'm unable to wake up from bed due to my killing-migraine, my attendance was bad for about 3 weeks.
There was this time when things that I have forgotten for about more than a year, came back and broke my heart, destroying every pieces of me.
There was this time I shut myself off from everyone, I cried with all my heart.
There was this time I got confused with my heart and always blamed myself.

But I am still here..still on my path to become a great doctor InsyaAllah, to give more to ummah InsyaAllah. And I'm still here..still the strong Zalikha...because, I always have Allah :')

His love are incomparable MasyaAllah ;') He protected me, He guided me, He showed me the way and He's always near. He gave me such supporting mum and dad, sibling, He sent me greats friends, He placed me among the religious and scholars, He gave me the opportunity to ask a lot of doubts in me and answered me in the best ways MasyaAllah..

He made me believe that "I can change things I see by changing the way I see things"

So, let us turn all negativity into positivity. Surround yourself with positive vibes, try to see things from different perspective, think first before you act, afterall Allah wont test if you can't bear it :) Smile always and trust me, you'll find your life happier and brighter InsyaAllah.

Have a great new year, aim high, give more, expect less and love yourself more!
Salam.. :D